07 Aug Quarter

The past three months have been the most I have been busy in almost 4 years. I have not written blog posts as regularly as I used to. Working two jobs, running my home, settling my girls into two new different schools, helping the girls out with home fun, and still being present as a student. All the while being a full-time (single) parent. It has been tough. I loved every bit of it! Having a purpose and fulfilling it is what I live for. I make a game plan and work at it, whenever there’s a crease in the plan, I straighten it out and then keep going. Adaptability coupled with discipline. This juggler did not drop any theoretical or actual ball, the juggler almost did though. One can only push oneself so far, sadly, the tipping point is always dictated by internal unresolved forces.

My youngest daughter came home from school one day and told me that a classmate, 4 or 5 years old, touched her private parts in the school van. I saw red. The rug was savagely pulled out from under me. I questioned her further and she told me exactly what happened and the boy’s name. I then thanked her for telling me and asked her to always tell me if anyone touched her again. I have had to broach the birds and bees topic to my 4-year-old. The next day I went to school with her, and I set everyone straight. From the school head to the van conductor. I told and showed my daughter that Mom has got her and that I will always have her back and protect her. She believes I can beat everyone and anyone who bothers her, lol. There have not been any more cases.

I do not take it for granted to have a verbal child, with my eldest child, I have always had to be extra vigilant and watchful. I am now extra, extra vigilant with both children. What world is this where babies get groped at such a young age, by fellow children? It has now happened with both my girls, my eldest when she was 6 years old and my youngest at 4 years old. I now look at children differently. This is what tripped me up in my undefeated streak. No one ever talks about how triggered one gets when faced with something that completely undid them at some point. I was shattered. The nightmares, the overthinking, the memories. I went down a rabbit hole that ended in me getting a drip IV. I am still a work in progress.

No one may have protected me as a child but ill be damned before my children get to live through what I did. I will fight tooth and nail and give my all before my children get to feel helpless, the scary isolation and not feeling safe in their skin. The fact that my daughter felt safe enough to tell me what happened also showed me that I am on the right path. If I ever fail at anything, it doesn’t matter because I am winning at being a Mom. Raising my daughters in a way I wished I had been, has had a healing effect on me. It is doable. There’s nothing I did wrong as a child. I was never at fault. I was just a child. And just like all children, I deserved the feeling of safety, love, and protection.

My girls and I have three weeks to bond before school resumes. We will watch as many toons as we can in our pj’s, cook/bake as many new meals as we can, go on road trips, and dance/jump to loud music (only as loud as my Autie baby can handle though.) Yes, I look forward to loving on my girls, doing some home projects, and relaxing… of course I will still be working, I’m always working and loving it!