02 Apr April 2nd- World Autism Awareness Day.
Today is April 2nd, World Autism Day, I slept way past regular sleeping hours. I could not sleep thinking about my daughter and everything that she has had to endure and grow from as an Autistic not-yet-verbal child. When sleep finally claimed me, I was jolted awake a mere three hours later by a recurrent nightmare concerning her. Her screams usually wake me, always. In these disturbing dreams, she is usually a victim of sexual abuse. It’s never the same monsters. All I know is that I always storm in attacking them. These dreams unsettle me for days, having lived through sexual abuse as a child, I know how real this can get and my heart breaks for both my daughter and the child I was.
Some people would say that because sexual assault is my greatest fear, I am projecting it to myself and my daughter(s). Part of that could be true. Sadly, my ignorance veil was yanked from my head and I do not enjoy any bliss, I wish I could, but I know these monsters walk amongst us. Also, have you watched and read through the Kenyan media? Our land is bleeding from all the gender-based sexual violence. My heart is constantly breaking. I am so sad for all the women and children. If I could, I would save them all irrespective of who they are or their placement in life. Is it now clear why it is never out of my mind’s vicinity, this whole carnage?
Other people would say that because I constantly worry about it and see it everywhere on the media, I am welcoming it. Friend, please show me how I can banish these thoughts claiming mental space rights. Please. I need that tact direly, despite my fluency in sarcasm, I am not being sarcastic. It also does not mean because I think about it to the point of having recurrent dreams that I am welcoming it to happen to my children or even adult me. No! I am a vigilant mother, whenever I am with my children they do not leave my sight…yes. Whenever I leave them with their minder, she knows not to stray from them. My family also knows I do not and will never advocate for my children to be by themselves or with strangers.
Yet, these things still happen. It is never a matter of what we wear, where we are, what we are doing, or who we are with. You can take all the precautions under the sky but a monster is and will always be a monster. These are the people who should be checked, they are the people who should be removed from society. These are the people who men should protect us from because the larger percentage are men. “Dawa ya moto ni moto.” Can men please stand up for us… We do not feel safe in the same society you find as safe. We are not Okay. Hold them accountable. Do you see what the Arab Nations do to sexual offenders? I stan them.
Special needs children are four times more likely to be sexually abused than neurotypical children. Imagine just how high that figure is with how rampant sexual abuse is in Kenya? Our children are not safe! Today is Autism Awareness Day, what can we do to make our society safe for our babies? What can we say to make you all understand our fears? How can we get through to you for advocacy for our children? How can we educate you to understand what Autism is so that you can be more empathetic whenever you cross paths with one of our children? How can we make you more understanding that sometimes we also get overwhelmed and that we would relax more knowing our children are safe.
Jesus has been a balm to this all, I probably would have lost my mind If He had not been at the center of it all. I lean to Him heavily. I know how bad it can get without Him in the picture and I give Him all the glory. I always ask Him to keep my babies safe, keep me safe and keep everyone safe from sexual violence. Alas, we live in a world permeated by sin. One day soon… all this shall end then we can sleep soundly and relax being on this side of the spectrum.
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